Four Destructive Human Needs

Posted Oct 9, 2015 by Mathieu Chiasson

When we were kids we all relied on our parents to validate who we were. To tell us our good and bad sides. To love and nurture us. But as adults these needs keeps us from growing further. Relying on others to fulfill our lives will not only slow our own growth but it will also push away our friends.

There are 4 major destructive needs we should learn to convert into self-fulfilling needs.

1 - The Need To Be Right

We hold on to our vision of the world as if it was the truth. But everyone has their own vision of the world.

If you're right, someone else is wrong.

Instead we have to develop the need to be open.

2 - The Need To Have Control

The need to be in control and knowing what's going on is deeply rooted into us. We subconsciously expect others to behave in certain ways or else it makes us unsure and uneasy with them. It can even trigger strong emotions like fear and anger.

You can't have control on every outcome.

Instead we have to develop the need to let go. Let life surprise you.

3 - The Need To Have Approval

This need comes from the need for our sense of self to be validated by others. It's to reinforce our beliefs. But as we've covered earlier, everyone sees the world in their own ways.

You can't rely on others to qualify your own view of the world. Instead you should open up and try to see and understand the world from the eyes of others.

Instead we have to develop the need to accept ourselves and others.

4 - The Need To Be Understood

Not being understood doesn't mean there's anything wrong with you. It may be that the other person is preoccupied by something else or that they just can't see things exactly the way you do.

It's normal we're all individuals.

Instead we have to develop the need to understand.

Focus On The Needs You Can Control

All those needs rely on others. And you can't control others. Which means you're throwing yourself at the mercy of others.

Instead focus on the needs you can control. Be open. Just let go. Accept yourself and others. And try to understand others.